Veils of Rapture

Unnoticed

2012-02-15T08:24:00.004-05:00

forgotten and unnoticed

in every way

even though she screamed to be seen

twirling in her turquoise eyes

she blinded soul after soul

and left each of them

in her glaze of beauty

but without him

losing himself within her

everything else seemed pointless

Where I'm Coming From

2012-01-13T11:40:00.003-05:00

there is a place in the middle of my chest

a place where it aches

a place that replays cruel dreams

it is my heart i’m told

my heart that should keep a steady rhythm

an involuntary beat

but instead it is pounding hard

erratic and confused

wishing to break free

the inhale and exhale of my lungs

crash with the tick- tock of the clock

yet time seems to pass so slowly

just as it gets harder to breathe

i beg for my throat not to close

i battle to suppress the urge to cry

but this battle is lost every time

my eyes well up in a pool of loyalty

with the sole purpose of carrying every ounce of pain

all the pain ever bitten and chewed and swallowed

but now it is pain no longer protected

this is what i fear and hate the most

all of it is out of my control

where i’m coming from

is not a place i want to be

but not a place from which i can escape

Locked

2012-01-12T08:57:00.004-05:00

locked in time

yet drifting too

i fear the thought

of being left behind

but love too much to run

i have to know

why i am pulled in

with every breath

every laugh

every smile

just a small taste

was all it took

to be there

to be here

always

This War Is Ours

2011-12-31T00:45:00.005-05:00

this war is ours

to fight and battle through

i cannot think of any other way

if the pain simply passed through us

we would be defeated

to fight our war takes courage

and we may often wonder

if it will ever bring us peace

Until It's Gone

2011-09-30T08:05:00.004-04:00

i will hold you

your hand

your heart

close to mine

and i will listen

to your words

your thoughts

i can soothe you

your pain

your curse

i must be here

dissolving it

and caring for you

as long as it takes

until it’s gone

Love's Forgotten Dust

2011-09-05T22:59:00.005-04:00

i heard those who spoke

a million words of wisdom

that is what i thought

to simply love thyself

would bring forth

some magical ability

to love others

and in return

others would love back

but what happens

when the road of love

is empty and parched

and you have been

left behind

covered in love’s

forgotten dust

The Only One

2011-08-31T09:43:00.004-04:00

i fear this constant search

for what seems so unsearchable

even with opened eyes

it is only darkness that i see

and now not even the shadows

follow me

i have never felt so alone

how am i the only one

in this?

Sex Slave Bunny

2011-08-21T20:48:00.005-04:00

she, the doe

he, the buck

drags her into captivity

circling her

hungrily and ravenously

wanting to devour her

but not until she’s ready

it only takes one look

then he knows

so with a fluff of his tail

and a show of his underside

he mounts her

biting down hard

holding his position

pressing his claws

deeply into her fur

he has but one goal

repeated for his pleasure

and with a yelp and a growl

he falls off

rolling on his back

the deed is done

good sex slave bunny

time to go home

Weeping Willow

2011-07-27T00:29:00.010-04:00

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”

- Mark Twain

~~~~~

its branches mourn

much like my own limbs

weak with sadness

Think Of Me

2011-07-12T10:18:00.008-04:00

do not worry

i will be here for awhile

to care and love and protect

more if you would let me

but even if you don’t

and then you came to see

it happened to you too

you felt it

running through every vein

and so i say

with the hope of lasting love

let it consume you

and

think of me

Him Again

2011-07-12T02:29:00.008-04:00

"Nightmares exist outside of logic, and there's little fun to be had in explanations; they're antithetical to the poetry of fear."

- Stephen King

~~~~~

i felt on edge

my fingers, my bones, my every part was tense

i ran from room to room

locking all the windows

shutting all the blinds

hoping it was enough

the wind howled like a wolf yearning for a fight

and the rain fell hard

splashing with purpose on the cold ground

i wanted to crawl

silently, quickly

to flee

i had to get away

but where…

i heard a knock

i could not think

what do i do

what do i say

DON’T ANSWER THE DOOR

but i did

and it was him

with a sneer and a lick of his lips

there was no escape

Rapid Nightmare Movement

2011-06-24T02:25:00.006-04:00

a violent blood flow

splattered every which way

bundles of nerves

exploding into oblivion

it did not have to be like this

and i think i believed it for a minute

soon i saw black that had emerged

that which lured me to this place

endless tossing and turning

wanting to be freed

but i think it is clear

one cannot escape

one’s own mind

Almost Forgotten

2011-06-23T01:54:00.013-04:00

the chill pierced me with instant cold

my skin felt numb and weak

the room felt so empty

but blared echoes of nothingness

and i had almost forgotten

that sometimes on days like this

when thoughts unwillingly irrupt

all that can remain

is a distant memory

To Hold Beauty

2011-06-21T02:44:00.006-04:00

it was a place to wander

to escape the pain

or just to escape

i had no choice

something always told me to go

i jumped from rock to rock

feeling the slippery moss

squish between my tiny toes

i loved to count skips of the flat stones

graze over the stillness of the water

i learned to drift along

like the clouds above me would do

i had to abandon so much

but i took comfort with weeping willows

and lush cattails

i could resist the hurt

and forget the darkness

i was perfect in this beauty

a beauty he could never reach

a beauty he would never hold

Rest, My Love

2011-06-19T02:21:00.005-04:00

come gentle one

relax, unwind

now just breathe

slowly in

slowly out

feel me disarm you

let me show sweetness in every way

and how warm i can be

let me give you the night sky

just look at our star

it still awaits us

with a glow that soothes

and a light that flickers

in a poetic rhythm between our hearts

now hold my hand

let me take you there

don’t be afraid

just rest

Burning Through

2011-06-16T02:17:00.010-04:00

did i only sear my eyes

or did the flame go deeper

because when the tears fall now

a raging sting follows

so what i must know tonight is

will you still come for me

will you cauterize my wounds

in this round of the fight

the smoldering pain intensifies

with words unspoken

they are always the loudest

and my worst fear in this fire

is that this is everything

that will be said

and now the end

just might be burning through

Empty Swing

2011-06-15T02:28:00.011-04:00

your words haunt me

as if i am wading in the shallowest of waters

i could walk away if i wanted to

i could let my bleeding heart

cascade into tiny streams of hope

bridging me to where it is all real

i ask myself how i got here

why i toil through wet cement

and run circles

in a childless playground

i wait for a small push

but i am alone

where there is no life

no breath of air

where all is gone

except this empty swing

Hard Candy

2011-06-14T02:33:00.007-04:00

let me dig in that bowl
'cause i love hard candy
i have my eye on just the one
so let me have at it
i wanna rip open the wrapper
not watching or caring
when it falls to the ground

i wanna lick that crème soda lolly
with swirls and whirls of my begging tongue
i wanna devour that delicious butterscotch rum
delightful it is to my every ache
penetrating creamy raspberry ripple

no wonder he says i’m like pavlov’s dog
when that’s in front of me
i cannot help myself
i lose all control
my watering mouth
sucking
licking

oh…
how i love hard candy

Lunation

2011-02-23T12:50:00.002-05:00

white, strong, pure
descending her light upon thee
my eyes when i cannot see
my ears when i cannot hear
the one body between us
celestial, crisp, wondrous
we both have seen her
new, half, full
we have talked beneath her light
hour after hour
unveiling laughs
or silent tears
she continues on
she is between our hearts
constant, consistent, committed
the one who knows us
all too well
every secret
every breath
every word
she is the moon

I'll Never Tell You

2011-02-19T20:35:00.003-05:00

i’ll never tell you

no matter what you say

or what you do

how much you beg or plead

no matter the pain we feel

or you feel

or i feel

you might tell me

and i could not stop it

but i’ll never tell you…

…goodbye

Trapped

2011-02-18T23:03:00.003-05:00

it is in a pinprick felt

a wound torn from the inside

the place where the soul bleeds

wild, reckless and desperate

but burrowed like an animal

trapped in the earth’s clay

Silence Not Silenced

2011-02-04T11:01:00.003-05:00

oh pale and lonely moon

how you breathe your light upon me

bearing your soul with softened rays

to taunt me through limbs of trees

but with sudden drops of vacuous words

it broke the moment between us

and the silence could not be silenced

so i must leave you now

catching a ride with the whispering wind

freeing myself from the pain

Hypnagogia

2011-01-31T23:34:00.004-05:00

i am unsure lying here
in layers of cold
trying to hide from the shadows
creeping across my walls
my mind whirls into oblivion
when vexing screams taunt
all that is left of reason
and as voices surround me
i fall into some sea of strangeness
paddling in circles
leading me nowhere fast
and then it is gone
as if i crawled into a dream
as if it were only a perception
of a peaceful sleep
this illusion does not last
a deep snarl awakens me
jolting me into consciousness again
and then i lose a steady heartbeat
one or two that fly right out of my chest
how do i decipher what just happened
or disregard that someone wailed my name
into the pit of my frozen ear
and here i am once again trying to self-calm
breathe, just breathe i say
repeating it over and over
for what seems like an eternity of hell
but i never really believe it
and because i cannot reconcile this
the sounds keep enclosing on me
it is then that i feel it crawling
whatever IT is
first on my legs
then across my hips
and up my side
sneaking up to my arms
all the way to my head
until it pulls and tugs at my hair
until i shake it off and wake again
or
was i ever really asleep at all?

Make Believe

2011-01-29T17:47:00.001-05:00

she cries every night

a fairytale she wanted

but only with him

Gravity's Pull

2011-01-28T13:57:00.005-05:00

i drift in and out
repeating pointless prayers
trying to invoke protection
but a lack of faith
only infringes on my pleas
and the arms that try to console
no longer cradle what is inconsolable
the stars seem too far away now
and the sky seems far too big
i wonder in moments like these
if there is a solar eclipse i am missing
and its emersion on a cold winter’s day
or if this is just a waning moon
where love is now fleeting from me
into the black of night

A Love Haiku

2011-01-21T14:56:00.003-05:00

rapidly i fall

spinning now out of control

this is full on love...

Something Better

2011-01-15T00:17:00.006-05:00

your words were laid out
tossed within our conversation
the security of your heart
always questions worthiness
you, being your inconspicuous self
or so you thought
i know now when the deep layers
begin to emerge
and how you quickly take cover
behind those masks of refuge
you put it out there for me
giving me an out
if i wanted to take it
“something better will come along”
as if it were plain fact
as if i should forget all the days gone by
so i sat that night for hours
lost in my thoughts
drowning in those words
unable to imagine
what would be better
in my darkest hour
in this cruel world
when all hope is void
i never doubt or fear
when i am close to you
how is it that you do not see
you are the something better

Smile

2011-01-02T16:43:00.005-05:00

he’s inside my head
i can’t get him out
i don’t want to, you see
he is there
fluttering about
making me smile
at the strangest of times
then my heart does that thing
you know, where it skips a beat
i love that
cause it makes me smile even more
before i know it
i’m smiling all over the place
that’s what he does to me
he makes me smile
yes, me
i do smile believe it or not
he says he loves it when i smile
and then i try to hide it
but i just can’t
because when i smile
it makes him smile
...
we are two fools
<3

Sometimes

2011-01-02T15:35:00.004-05:00

i love how it feels
when pieces fit together
meticulously in my mind
bordering an infinite vision
bound by this drive
sometimes so hopeful
but then sometimes not
if i crack or split
which i often do
i collect the tears
that puddle in my hands
but sometimes
there are too many
so they escape
between each finger
as if these tiny leaks
were a sign or a message
for me to just let go
sometimes no tears fall at all
even when my heart aches
and suffers through unbearable waves
there will always be faults
that pour from inside
sometimes i know they sting
so i rage to veil my fear
and sometimes that blinds the path
i know i must choose
sometimes though
to keep from going mad
in a mad world
i wish it was all more than just
sometimes.

Self-Punishment

2010-11-23T11:53:00.006-05:00

if i felt purpose
without collapse
of self, of being
if i could love and care
just like you
i would be free from this
but i restrain and confine
before i crush and push
the breaths that linger
bitterly claiming my insides
self-worth is overrated
and so i punish me
many times over
for every little sin
because after all
that is what i do

After Dark

2010-11-18T09:12:00.002-05:00

when
night
falls
upon me
i
weep
in
its
silence

New Life

2010-10-27T13:11:00.004-04:00

when her sweet breath
caresses him
he feels a tremble inside
as he always does
the lines that define her face
blur each and every time
the back of his fingers
stroke it up and down
if she were to falter, or stumble
or hesitate
the strength along his arms
that once held another
would now hold her
bringing her up from the bottom
bringing her to safety
bringing her new life

Just Sad

2010-10-11T21:56:00.004-04:00

i was
lonely
bitter
hidden
…
all that time
beat down
alone
taken for
…
thinking change would come
hope
trust
future
…
but i am washed away
darkness
delusion
defeat
…
it all came back
fear
anger
hate

and now
just sad.

When October Comes

2010-10-06T09:05:00.008-04:00

the cold rushes over my skin
i shiver to shake it off
but the smells and sounds
that surround me
slink like a cat on its prey
i feel the presence of it
lingering not far behind
winter’s curse is there
but oh, please do not come yet
autumn is here now
its colours vast and fearless
falling, dancing
as if to say, “watch me, i’m free”
i stare at the frozen moon
lost in the midnight sky
the ripples of clouds trying to veil her
as summer descends beneath my feet
i breathe in the icy chill
a crispness i cannot explain
my tender lungs begin to frost
it always weighs me down
with such great sadness
when october comes

Piece Of Heaven

2010-10-05T00:06:00.002-04:00

the very tips of his fingers
brush along her cheek
her eyes close
he tells her to open them
to look at him
to let him look at her
she does so
and her breaths become deep
i n
a n d
o u t
s l o w l y
he watches her breasts
RISE
and
f
a
l
l
come closer, he says
feel at ease with me
her eyes close
once more
and in the gasps and sighs
of
INHALING…
…exhaling
they each give and take
their tiny piece of heaven

Unstrung Me

2010-09-25T22:58:00.005-04:00

i pulled at the small string
knowing what would happen
i felt the temptation
and i could not stop
i tore away at each strand
i tugged on the seams
so slowly i had come apart
i was once purled
in some pseudo-perfect way
only knotted and tangled
and so full of empty
but you…
with your needle
cautious and precise
you sewed me back together
this once unstrung me
was now carefully stitched
and woven right into your love
like a hot and cold silk immersion
you softened and unwound my heart
with your touches sleek as satin
and lovely kisses
in a tiny cocoon of our own
we had become one continuous thread

Magnetized

2010-08-13T21:39:00.002-04:00

pulled together
by love's soft hands
by gentle collides
by souls entwined
these carnal tugs and pulls
draw kinetic aching
right to the core
of reciprocal desires

Read Between The Skies

2010-08-11T23:13:00.004-04:00

whispers blend in the night
as if softly spoken on the edge of a dream
you are engraving each line through me
wired and barbed
not to hold me back
but to bring me closer to you
simple as it may seem
the words will not come
so i caress the moon in my shaking hands
blowing it right your way
like trying to free the clipped wings
of a small injured bird
can you see it lingering above
watching over you
it is all i can give
securing you there
because sometimes this is all we have
and in those times when we feel so alone
all we have to do for each other
is read between the skies

Escape

2010-07-20T19:11:00.008-04:00

if only i had one moment
a minute in time
somewhere far away
a distant place
free from the triggers
spared of pokes
and prods
void of the constant chase
the teasing
the biting
the sinking
the ripping
the shredding
this is how my mind works
blissfully tearing me apart
as if i enjoy it
and need it
but punishing
inflicting
and scourging
so then i wonder
if i only
just escape
from me
and i do
find that peace
i so desperately crave
…
then what?

Unreal

2010-07-15T03:47:00.005-04:00

that did not just happen
i did not just feel those sensations
i did not feel sparks fly all through my body
electricity sizzling
burning
power flickering
lights flashing before my eyes

you did not just touch me like that
your fingertips did not just graze my every curve
just to tease
just to make me give in
giving you what you want
you so know
i can never resist

you so did not just tell me to spread
right before you
legs in a V
just like you like
you did not tell me
to tell you what i want
so you can please me
to please yourself
so you can have your desire
your treasure

you did not just do that
oh shit
oh yes you did
god you did
you so did
you made me give you
all of me
exactly what you wanted
but what i wanted
what we wanted

it was unreal
every second
every minute
and it was hours later
we still were there
giving, taking
so god damn unreal
so fucking unreal

Yes, But Why Are You Crying?

2010-07-14T11:48:00.008-04:00

you affect my heart
you must know that you do
i feel it skip over and over
rapidly beating
pounding out of control
as if the world might stop spinning
and i could keep it revolving
all on my own

it is in your eyes
in the way they wistly pine
softly piercing every layer
inside and out
as if you just baptized me
in your everlasting love
cleansing my skin
purifying my body
and christening my soul

and it is your smile
in the way you care
how you love so profoundly
so deeply and so true
as if the sky could fall
and the earth could start to crumble
right below our very feet
and you would be there beside me
protecting, loving, holding

so when you ask me
“yes, but why are you crying?”
it is not that i am sad or afraid
or wishing for something more
it is only that i am simply overcome
and taken back
you have this power to amaze
as if i now can relinquish every bit
of fear and doubt
it is that same fear and doubt
that used to make me cry
such bitter tears of pain and hate

Master

2010-07-13T13:37:00.003-04:00

the presiding one
in charge
taking over slowly
a dominant lord
is he

superior and above
a principal of principles
so chosen to be
my governing one

not feared
nor loathed
but a victor
of faith
and binding
trust

captive
and
confined
in bliss
hoping it lasts
forever

Fly With Me

2010-07-07T13:06:00.005-04:00

you’ve taken my hand
and pulled me into flight
through fog and mist and rain
in dark and in light
through clouds and beyond
guiding me through constellations
seemingly endless
and out of reach
yet somehow
we always landed
safely on our star

but now it is my turn
to give back to you
maybe i can never come close
in comparison
a small glint in your eye
i would be
but even if it is all i can give
from where i am
what i have
i want you so
to let go
to be mine
and maybe this time
just this once
you could fly with me

Chase The Morning

2010-07-05T12:47:00.010-04:00

i must run now
on just two feet
leaving the rest behind
to never turn my head
and to never look back
it is that i need to escape
to slip away from this place in a hurried travel
i must search out the light of dawn
and to devise a plan
i have to carry and hold my heart within
for there is no time to let these tears cry
no ears to hear the empty, cruel words
but i deeply fear what i cannot see
as i have so often struggled
in the deep hours of the night
tossing and turning dreaming of an end
but i know the minutes will fleet before me
forcing me to rest my angered soul
this will be the only way i will fight and win
against all that will be thrown my way
if i want to break free from the chains
that have their unrelenting grip
i must continue on and radically curse
every bit of hate that stands in my way
but i still wonder what will happen
when i go full speed and chase the morning

Repeat After Me

2010-06-27T05:52:00.004-04:00

i am a beautiful, loving and desirable woman

say it
believe it

yes!
yes!

believe it

my beautiful baby

that’s my beautiful baby

say yes to me, say yes

you’ve got to accept it
and don’t take shit from anyone

baby, you are
i wouldn’t bullshit you

repeat after me
and say yes

yes!
yes!

my beautiful baby
repeat after me

now kiss me and shut up

Broken

2010-06-25T18:37:00.001-04:00

i want to find a better way
but i do not see one
i just want one slice
one cut
one burn
to open me up
a wound to bleed from
a way to numb this new-formed sting
i beg to trade off the pain for pain
is it not my choice to prefer one over the other
it is all about the give and take
a chance to self reciprocate
you say to tell you when it is all too much
and you will unbind me and lift me from my knees
you promised to gather each fractured piece
you believe you can make me forget what is slowly killing
my once loving and giving spirit
but no one here sees how blind they are
living in worlds so stale and black
dripping with fake beauty they only find in themselves
how i loathe it all, betrayed by the deceit i feel
but for now if you wish to stop me
you can and you will and for that i am grateful
but it is quite clear and openly known
that inside this twisted head of mine
this will never end
i will always be broken

Like A Fine Red Wine

2010-06-25T13:06:00.006-04:00

it is in the high quality
of his passion
and in his masterly skill
of making me only his
insanely full-bodied
and quite nicely aged
to pure perfection
i want to pour him all over me
but only sip on him slowly
and oh with those dark fruit lips
so soft and sweet
i cry and beg to kiss
whispering to him, 'please, baby...'
and in return
a full, lingering taste
on the edge of my palate
wishing i could savor it
through the night
but i find myself
finishing him off
hoping for one more glass
it is his significant complexity
that is subtle and smooth
crowning him cabernet sauvignon
king of the finest
where did he come from
what vineyard grew
such robust grapes
it must have been
behind those cool winds
and morning fogs
where only a fine red wine
could emerge

I Miss You

2010-06-24T12:31:00.001-04:00

even with a blue sky behind me
and a gentle wind through my hair
the smell of summer gives me doubt
it seems the leaves on the trees
moan with sadness
much like i do
it was not long ago
our eyes were locked
giving, receiving
plainly, lovingly
dismissing spring’s outflow
now i miss you
wanting you back like before

Wild Moon

2010-06-21T11:58:00.004-04:00

i cannot stop
wishing
hoping
aching
and now
just waiting
it was only hours ago
in the power of a howling darkness
lips were licked in repletion
but here
at the break of day
blood begins to flow
fierce and turbulent
and i feel all crazy inside again
i want it
i want to give it
i want to see your eyes on me
only me
leering like King Leer
render i must
for me giving to you
is you giving to me
and today
i am going to be
that greedy little bitch
and take it all
so hurry home
quickly come to me
take me like last night
under that same wild moon

Goodnight Beautiful

2010-06-19T01:11:00.005-04:00

what does he see
that no one else saw
i cannot even ask this of him
for he would say
that it is just so
and sure as i breathe
i count on our love line
each and every night
as he tucks me in
making me safe and sound
because maybe in his eyes
it is so i might just sleep
in the sweetness of his peace
even though we dream miles apart
it seems as if nothing
comes between our two worlds
and without fail
in its soft vibration
it always comes through
…love you,
goodnight beautiful…

Slow Burn

2010-06-18T21:00:00.006-04:00

in the flicker of a flame
is this slow burn
where melted wax drips freely
from deep inside us
it is right now
on this chilled night
that we are lit on fire
engaged in the gasps
of a tight embrace
so very hot to the touch
but soothing as a liquid fuel
perpetually igniting
some vastly strange vigil of love
and when in each other’s arms
secured from earth’s cruelty
we stall the cold winds
that blow our way
keeping the fervor aglow
we smile as our wick stands strong
and wonder in this slow burn
if our tender words will set ablaze
sweet nothings upon our weary ears
and if that will be enough to warm our hearts
through all our tomorrows

This Seat Taken

2010-06-16T10:23:00.012-04:00

i sit here alone
waiting for you
while people shuffle in
and as time passes
there are those
in the aisle
seeking out this row
motioning at me to sit
but i softly tell them
this seat taken...
i am saving it for someone
and i think, with a sigh
someone so special
you know that i do this
i always do
you say that some day
i will have to let one of them
take it from me
but i won’t
this seat is for you
so when the show starts
i frantically block
anyone, everyone
from taking your place
then seconds to minutes to hours
it all rolls in slow motion
but i still wait
and when the curtain closes
and i am still alone
i will just go home
it always ends bittersweet
but i don't mind
that is just how it is

Beyond The Stars

2010-06-12T01:58:00.007-04:00

look up at the sky
do you feel the beauty like i do
do you see how the stars and moon
swirl and spin sometimes
or maybe that is just me
going wild-crazy in my mind
when i think of you
i have to wonder
what is beyond the stars
is there a world just for us
where you and i can run free
my hand in yours
as you lead me away
from our sadness
and i lead you to
our rarest of loves
beyond the stars
is where i dream of
when we hurt
when we need to heal
no longer would i hide scars
no more would you feel pain
just love
beyond the stars

Shelter Me

2010-06-08T11:40:00.003-04:00

overcome by fear
i now carry it like a drifter
all of life’s whims strapped tightly
to my weakened back
but so i must walk the journey
with heartache’s dirt
smudged upon my face
layered so thick
even warm tears
will not wipe it clean
nothing feels safe
and i feel i am falling
i feel i am floating away
far from grace
from all that is good
all that is real
but around the corner
just around the bend
there you stand
and so i ask
will you be my strength
my protector
my guardian
the one who will
catch me
when i fall?

The Way You Know Me

2010-06-07T11:57:00.003-04:00

the way you know me
is like no other
and how i love it to be
every curve you feel
with such urgency
because you need it
and crave it
and my skin you taste
as it glistens
before your crystal eyes
you hear my breath sigh
against your open mouth
then i watch you
place each kiss
with tender lips
and my bare shoulders
fold into you
as if to beg for more
your strong hands
so lightly touch
in your complete want
but never do they hurt
making my commitment
that much stronger
and the more you are away
the more my body aches
desiring to be closer to you
i cannot see others
the way i see you
and in the way
that you see me
the way you know me
all of me
makes me all yours
only yours
for always

My Sweetness

2010-06-05T00:29:00.003-04:00

i call to sweetness
my sweetness
when the rest
of this unforgiving world
is so dry and bitter
and he always comes right to me
each and every time
to pour his niceness
his sugariness
his excessively
sticky syrup
all over me
then turns it all around
only to tell me
what beauty i hold
and how my taste
dissolves in his mouth
like a feast of ambrosia
but he is my sweetness
like no other
my candied baby
who pulls me closely
so i can feel his warmth
and breathe him in
me, just a girl swooning
over endless confection
but he must know
that only with him
i would lick the plate clean
because when i feel the stream
of his love flow
like honey from the hive
there can be no such thing
as too sweet

Of Prime Importance

2010-06-03T11:46:00.007-04:00

when are we truly ready
to make the move
to say that we are strong
and no longer weak or frail
it is a theory we take with us
in each tiny phase
one that we hold closely
along these winding paths
by which we travel
it is not that i am undervalued
as a person, place or thing
rather undervalued
in my nimble thoughts
misconstrued at times
or perhaps taken for the fool
but i ask of you
do not underestimate me
as i have risen above and beyond
many times over
and there are things
you could never recognize
or understand
yet i do not wish to explain
just know this
i will not budge or waver
you will only see me in the end
steady on my feet
to uncoil all that is before me
and seek what is mine

Strip My Mind

2010-05-31T21:26:00.005-04:00

take it from me
peel it away
let me start over
dismantle this conscious state
it needs to go
there is no logic
or problem solving skills
i merely juggle such things
from one hand to the other
never really walking a straight line
i am constantly tripping
and crawling back to start

it is time to divest it
this thing called the subconscious
where all memories are neatly stored
packed away in files labeled TOP SECRET
no one but me can see them
and they serve no purpose
this is where pain comes from
so burn them or do whatever
i do not care
no one really does

bittersweet is the supersubconscious
between cardiac and cerebrum
where supposed creativity and intuition exude
this is always my crazy emotional ride
and i have waited and waited
for it to come to its complete stop
but it never has
all i wanted was to get off
now i am just dizzy in failed attempts

so please do strip my mind
like what already has been done
over and over
to the rest of me
to my heart, my soul, my spirit
it is all gone
so would it not be better to be numb
or be mindfully sedated
because i do not think
i want to think
anymore

To Touch The Dark

2010-05-31T14:39:00.005-04:00

in that cold hour
just before dawn
it raps me out of restless sleep
the droll of careless sneers
the traces of breaths on my skin
the needling of some distant laughter

i hear my name
in a blackness that surrounds me
screaming its loud silence
tapping my shoulder
my head sluing left and right
my lids heavy and closed
to cover my burned eyes

to touch the dark
is not what i am afraid of
i have been in it forever
the black, the shadows
the void of all light
and absence of hope

but
what frightens me
what makes me go insane
wanting nothing more
then for dawn to rise
is when the dark
in its endless misery
strikes out
and touches back

My Happy Place

2010-05-27T17:15:00.007-04:00

each and every time

i travel to my happy place

the stars shine so brightly

a blanket of warmth

around my skin

and the glow

radiates his love

that pours from

within his heart

Tiny Drops Of Love

2010-05-27T17:03:00.005-04:00

nothing is as sweet or cherished

like the sound

of his whispering soul

echoing tiny drops of love

upon my ears

Little Sad Girl

2010-05-27T12:12:00.024-04:00

why did you always seem so sad
little girl

i was sad

i was all alone

i did not want to be there

and i was afraid

why did you not tell me
i would have helped you

i could not tell you

i could not tell anyone

i had to keep quiet

you still look so sad
little girl

i am still sad

i am still afraid

still alone

you do not need to be so sad anymore

i think i will always be a little sad girl

that is why i cry

i am sorry

______

"Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children" - Sitting Bull

The Art of Self Seduction

2010-05-26T10:46:00.002-04:00

close your eyes
clear your mind
and abandon all others
reveal now in thought
the one you desire most
as you feel him look down at you
raise your arms above your head
showing him this surrender
coveting only him
it is now time to just breathe
breathe in and breathe out
deeply and gradual
until every inch of your skin
savors its trembles
while begging to be gently laced
with his stolen kisses
if you feel your back begin to arch
you know you are ready
and without even realizing it
you open
thinking of what he does to you
making you yearn for more
your fingertips cannot help but move
along that forbidden trail
to the precise place
he would greedily consume
that sweet honey
until
you
…
brb

Liquid Voices

2010-05-25T11:19:00.037-04:00

sometimes it just feels that way
like liquid voices are flowing through me
beckoning me to rise
and stir from the dream
i hope that i am free
but i feel i am not
so why must this three-part harmony
pierce my ears
and force me to memorize the vastness
of my faults
this bleeding of words and thoughts
fate me to constantly decipher
while splashes of eerie, white noises
form deafening downpours of rain
and swiftly carry this hailstorm within
so now i am afraid to know why
but i must
if i wish to survive

On Fire

2010-05-24T11:58:00.008-04:00

the night was turning well into morning
but that did not stop us
it never does
when we are like this
sex streams down all over
neck, breasts, cunt
i am burning with desire
wanting to make love to myself
while he penetrates me
slowly with his eyes
and the sweat keeps dripping
as each throb aches
i want to break free
of every constraint
so he tells me to
and we seem to be on fire
i just did not realize this time
when i saw my hair in flames
that we were that hot

Fornication Of My Mind

2010-05-23T01:53:00.008-04:00

the fornication of my mind
has sexed me up in the brain
unzipping its crazy at the stem
and slowly my head drops
it is now that i am pulled apart
with silver thimbles on thumbs
caught by sewing needles
stitching me back together
piece by piece
another half ass job
or as i like to call it
“the usual”
it rewinds in slow mo
upside down and sideways
you laugh and i cry
then we smile and they sob
but who is keeping an eye
on that man around the corner
the one in black whistling dixie
at the trampled tramps
that shake those hips with sleek thighs
satisfying wishes never coming true
what an ugly collision
as it all comes together
it frees my mind for a minute
or only a second
or for a whole day
or was it a week
it does not matter
i have a valium
or three
that makes dalí
look like mother theresa
and a pie in the face clown
swing like the man on the flying trapeze
or was that a flame thrower
i do not care
it is all the same
it is all a circus
so i smile and i wince
it feels good and it hurts
fornicate, sex it up, give it to me
my thoughts ejaculate
and this is how i like it

Spilt Wine

2010-05-20T11:55:00.003-04:00

baby, my baby
bring it to me
you know that love
that sweet, sweet love
i can feel the air
getting warmer
or is that just me
being so close to you
our glasses are full
of that cabernet wine
and our lips taste of vanilla
splashed with a hint
of cherry and warm spice
and i fan myself
because my baby
makes me so hot
i want to unbutton
every button i own
no, wait
i will pull it down
and let you devour
and when i concede
you say
do this, do that
and i do
because i like to
for you, my baby
it’s what you do to me
i said i would dip a little
and lick a little
but the cab is clearly gone
now i have glistening xxx
which i know you love
and here we are
ending the night
with spilt wine
all over the place
all over me
but it was worth it

I Will Find A Better Way

2010-05-19T22:20:00.004-04:00

it is not a wish to be dead
you and i know
i only want to extinguish
this unforgiving throe
disturbing thoughts
do not grip clarity
this inviolable fear
allows the rite to begin
although so wrong
i rage with self hate
engraving each offense
please forgive
when i soothe such cruelty
although only temporary
i will find a better way
because i know the pain i feel
is now hurting you too

Fire And Diamonds

2010-05-19T12:00:00.004-04:00

the slow burning of embers
turn ash in a fire lost
as the tips of my fingers
fight a dull numbness
being pricked
like pins and needles
so i poke and prod
hoping to stir a wildness
that once held the reins
but when darkness finally overcomes
when the last cinder fades away
only smoke fills the air
and nothing seems to change
i keep asking myself
was i a perfected diamond
that never recognized
my own appreciation
only now there are these chips
semi-breaks and lines
you can see i am marked
no longer worth looking at
or to be talked about
nor unique in any way
they say i am flawed
and no one would want me this way
each day i feel this stillness
a silence that corners me
and although i do not wish to be
i am bound by unrelenting thoughts
habits of which i cannot let go
haunted by nights of static

Pain

2010-05-18T12:11:00.004-04:00

it hurts

what does

the pain

oh yes pain hurts
that is why it is called pain

but why
why must it hurt
i have had this pain for too long
and it never goes away
someone told me it will go away some day
but it never does and that is all that i want

i have pain too, everyone has pain

that is what you always say

that is life and life is not easy

i do not want easy
i just need rest from the pain
will you help me

yes i will help you

thank you

you are welcome

We Left Too Soon

2010-05-17T23:01:00.003-04:00

he looks at me
at the end of the night
like i am so crazy
and asks me why i cry
then answers his own question
telling me that it is just what i do
what he does not know
is that every moment with him
is like a needle full of ecstasy
shooting right into my veins
it all builds inside
just waiting to open the floodgates
he cannot imagine
how it overtakes me
but when he is so close
that i could almost reach out
and take hold
making him mine
gripping him so desperately
he would have to know
i am not only wild
but madly insane
high and floating over the edge
serrated and jagged
sawing through to my own heart
cutting down its iron rails
and sometimes
when the intent between us
made us love so deeply
it all becomes too much
because for me
we left too soon

Internal Rain

2010-05-17T11:50:00.009-04:00

wondering
so often questioning
revival or not
relief from the downpour
of a destined submergence
shattered pieces drifting carelessly
on a river of tears
a sleeting sadness
of days to come
stripped down
left naked and cold
an internal rain
falls inside me
i am forced to smile
while the pouring of this pain
still streams an empty rawness
they do not see this dark cloud
that fills up my head
perpetually caving in
like a thick fog
surrounding my thoughts
as if a stranger forcing its fear on me
and leaving me begging for help
i just ask to not be forgotten
or to be left alone
because the internal rain
is still pelting hard within
a shoal from which i cannot swim free
but drowning, i hear, is peaceful
only my worst fear
is that i would just float away
and never be found

Let Me Love You

2010-05-10T12:04:00.006-04:00

i want to unlock my heart
to let the blood flow
and sweetly drip onto the page
i want to let him see it
how it beats and pulses
in this tachycardia overload
my mind gets wrapped in his crazy
my body grazed by his eyes
then the rising and falling
that i cannot seem to stop
breathe, just breathe, he says
it is the look that he knows
the look i cannot control
and then my sweetness, he whispers
just open for me
and let me love you

Scaling The Walls Of Crazy

2010-04-19T11:18:00.001-04:00

scaling the walls of crazy
i do it so well
climbing up with only fingertips
bleeding, raw and unfeeling
crawling from whatever comes my way
i can evade the pain
i have perfected it now
pushing the enemy aside
as if they never existed
this will give me time
so that i might recalculate
and determine my next move
i can make it to the top
but now i am trapped
always trapped
everything below me crumbles
like shale and clay dried in the sun
and no matter how much i beg
for one small embrace
to reach out and help me
this is where it comes to an end
i fall to the ground
and am left alone
once again

You Know What It Takes

2009-12-16T12:57:00.002-05:00

i can not resist
your secret wish
what you crave
is what i crave
my heart is what pounds
when our bodies are bound
in this twisted hunger
surrendering, capturing
over and over
rocking so sweetly
what you hold
and desire
bringing me to the edge
as only you know what it takes

Black Waves

2009-10-21T16:23:00.003-04:00

there is an urge within me
like a raven with broken wings
fluttering in circles
unable to fly
to the touch, i am sore
and bleed without aid
an icy mist surrounds my heart
and black waves
drown my soul
you insist on taking it all away
crushing it within the bitter sand
a constant push out to sea
suffocates me beneath the tide
as you cast my sanity
like a boat without sail
but one day those waves will push back
and lap gently against the shores
and i will finally be free from the storm

A Sweet Corona

2009-08-27T23:57:00.003-04:00

you crawl inside
deep and deliberate
and i want to know
and feel
and crave
this tender ache
it begs with every waking hour
tortured with hungry breath
waiting for each moment
to slowly pass through me
so pink your lips
watering down my skin
i fear that all at once
it will be gone
stripped and torn
but in all your glory
you still peel each layer
so carefully and meticulously
you beg me to open and flourish
you gain strength
and persist in your venture
every touch is said in rhyme
or song
your beautiful words explicit
and as soft drips
fall from the moon
a sweet corona encircles the intrigue
burning your heart into mine

Inamorata

2009-07-23T00:17:00.004-04:00

you felt it, just as i did
all the times spent
in those small kisses
soft upon lips so sweet
precious, my illusionary touch
perfumed in blue
sprayed on the smoothest of skin
all in your favour
hoping you would smile
even if just for a moment

you thought of me, i know
wanting to reach out
only to pull me in
making my heart believe
that wishes on stars
were not in vain
and the colours so bright
those that blinded our thoughts
rational or not
they did not matter

when dawn came so fast
our whispers rapped gently on our minds
and all we had to hold
was the grip we had on each other
tight…secure…full of hope
oh baby, just like that
hold me close to you
you know you should never let go

inamorata, she says
from beautiful
with love

Starry Night Jewelbox

2009-04-18T21:21:00.001-04:00

the painted sky filters my thoughts of you
leaving me here to wonder why
i step back as i am chiseled out of control
accepting fate as it lies before me
we are separated by chance
but together by choice
and it only brings me closer to you
it is then that i breathe in
softening the world just a little
i see a starry night jewelbox of hope
encircling my destiny
and i sometimes cry in reflection
trying to erase orion above
but i can’t lie under the moon
and not think of you next to me
you cradle my heart
warming me in your horizon
giving me the best part of you
engaging yourself
and surrounding me with love

Unfailing Fusion

2009-04-07T11:04:00.002-04:00

while you lie there
so still in the moment
slowly breathing in and out
releasing the day’s pain
i curl myself beside you
exploring your mind
and chasing away your secrets
i am locked in the center of your soul
and i beg you to tell me
what you want, what you need
glitter purple mist covers our eyes
and dark-hued sugar fuses our love
you know i would give anything to be yours
to be held close by your hallowed arms
never released or forgotten
time will not slip away from us
and destiny’s wing will not fail
we fly away inhaling spungold wine
as our spirits run free from sin
we soar through the night so full of life
catching rainbows on our tongues
watching petals fall at our feet
who is to say we cannot love one another
for it is impossible to break something
that can never be broken
the earth will turn over
orbiting and smothering our existence
delighted in fantasy
as angel’s honeydew melts away the tears
and crests fully upon our empty hearts

It Has A Hold On Me

2009-03-24T11:04:00.002-04:00

it has a hold on me
like a lion’s bite on its prey
i am fighting and kicking and screaming
but nothing i do can save me
i am dragged through the grass
wounded and punctured with clenched teeth
as fate roves past my naked skin
it scratches and claws and tears
ripping me apart piece by piece
it has a hold on me
like a demon in the night
like a fire on a branch
like a spell cast
it has a hold on me
and it’s not letting go
i quail at its strength
i am weakened at heart
and of mind and soul
my body lies still
as i am choked and devoured
feeling it lick its lips in satisfaction

Insanity Arrives

2009-03-19T11:50:00.001-04:00

an empty cell
no soft wind
no air at all
four walls
closing in
no light
no warmth
the mind races
grasping and seizing
all thoughts
reparations of spirit
still haunts
no whispers
no arms wrapped
around frailty
everything black
left without color
i can not soar
in this cold
chained down
here to fend
all alone
i say goodbye
my head down
insanity arrives

Light All Around Me

2009-03-18T10:31:00.001-04:00

this hunger i have feels so good
even if it tries to grip my lucid dreams
and now obscured in thought
you bleed the hate from inside me
and wipe clean my heart
you fall on your knees
your press your hands together
and you pray over me
as if your religion was to love me
you inflect words i need to hear
and all of this calm i cannot resist
together we leave the earth behind
we watch the world disappear like a gazelle
as its lustrous sea-filled eyes fade away
we fly free toward the slivered moon
heading straight for our place in the universe
we stop and i take a small bite for taste
such sweet skin, like a golden delicious
eyes closed, my hand in yours, we safely land
and now my hunger is satisfied
i no longer fear the dark
there is light all around me
a pure light that fills the sky
only when i am with you

Inviolable Love

2009-03-13T12:07:00.000-04:00

as twilight falls upon your face
shadows are revealed, slow yet dripping with fever
without words i reach out to touch you
and i lose my mind like i always do
i draw myself near you once more
and bear my soul at your side
i’m dovetailed and anchored against you
so intimately molded, crafted and shaped
within the depths of your armoured hands
you offer me tonight’s gentle persuasion
as you rattle the pith of my spirit
that is when these elliptical walls cave in
swallowing me whole, making me surrender
and as the night draws ever so near
we are happily lost until morning shines
against our already warmed skin

Reeling From Your Love

2009-03-11T12:34:00.002-04:00

if i even begin to wonder why
or question the authority of love
i feel the heaviness on my chest
and the will it takes to breathe
but then you tower over me
in order to protect
and i know at the very least
i’m not traveling this road alone
it’s the sun that shines from inside
and drips from the sky
straight into you
and though you sometimes fear it
i venerate your every thought
holding closely each one
as i caress blindly your mind
and suck the sweetness from you
slowly and gently
i find myself smiling
and reeling from your love

Left To Wonder

2009-02-12T13:00:00.001-05:00

every day when the sun comes up
i lie very still
left wondering why
and wishing he were next to me
maybe i do not deserve him
but i think i do
i know i do
don’t i?

i have been catapulted
and thrown into the cool grass
finding myself close to him
although it is only my dream
his hand runs up my thigh
holding my leg over his

our breaths ache for one another
while he pins me against a tree
i feel his body deep into mine
and all we can do
is watch the iridescence of dragonflies
hover above our love

every night as the sun goes down
i lie very still
wishing he were next to me
wrapped up in his touch
i deserve that
at least i think i do
i know i do
don’t i?

Impressions of Love

2009-02-03T12:34:00.000-05:00

sugar crystals are licked like candy
the same as your sweet affections
your honey-laced lips
wrap softly upon my cheek
and i close my eyes
letting you kiss them too
i cannot refuse you or your taste
it is your grip that holds me here
but i have come to expect this
not resisting you or your hands
you have always rendered me still
and captured tender impressions of love
even when i shiver against the curse of cold
i feel the heat grow between us
as small heart cherries blossom
and wild pinks rise above the frozen ground

I Won't Be Waiting

2009-01-16T17:24:00.001-05:00

i look in your eyes
and see the emptiness
staring back at me
i am distracted
and drag out a sigh

i have seen this other side of you
and watched you bury your soul
going so deep into the sand
hoping your omission recoiled

it is the absence of your hands
that make me tremble in the dark
as my heart just crumbles away

i breathe in the winter
and inhale the cold
it is as bitter and virulent as you
so i will not soon forget
all you have forsaken
and what you have left behind

you could never know
how much i traveled the moon
night after night
shivering and bleeding
wishing my life away

i ask of you now
please don’t come to me later
you should know
i won’t be waiting

Sweet Ride

2009-01-07T10:15:00.004-05:00

i walked outside today
when the bitter cold shot through me
like a bullet exploding on impact
but in some way it felt good
i think it is because you are always near
so i thought of us holding hands
watching the love grow
with arms outstretched
and legs encircled
us together, warm and free
and suddenly i felt alive
more than i had ever been
just between you and me
it was a sweet ride
all the way there

The Crowd Is Waiting

2009-01-06T10:39:00.002-05:00

i stand behind a black curtain
waiting for someone to pull the ropes
to open me up to the world
but i feel safe right here
away from the spotlight
hiding in the dark
and in repetition
i try to say the words
but afraid of what they might convey
i am not like this
i can take the pain you inflict
it always hurts, but i can take it
it is the indifference that strains my spirit
when i falter and fail
on every attempt
it comes to me after dark
you cannot ask me to stay
i will not stay
i must go now
the crowd is out there waiting

The Onyx Fire

2009-01-05T17:37:00.001-05:00

i blacked out and realized the distant light shines no more
the casualties shout beyond the shadowy trees
and echo throughout my mind
i feel compelled to scratch away at the despondent wall
to try and escape another lonely night
i smolder and burn into nothing but ashes
blowing smoke that is fueled by fear and ruled by doubt
visions of strangers bite into my dreams
leaving me relentless and cold and afraid of the dark
i whisper your name and find you right beside me
in the blaze of the onyx fire

I Fall Into Your Magic

2009-01-05T16:49:00.001-05:00

i shiver in the cold
and tremble inside
waiting for you
i know how aware you are
of every little detail
but i still wonder how you can love me
and separate the truth
from the deceit within
you bring forth the gentleness
while intercepting my heart
from the bitter earth
you taste its sweetness upon your tongue
and give me everything i need
even without you here
i fall into your magic
weightlessly free
gripping on illusions
grasping at you forever

Saved

2009-01-05T10:37:00.002-05:00

a hazy reflection
becomes clearer
as i see his face
looking back at me
suddenly he grabs hold
in the most delightful way
and twists my thoughts
into distant memories
i can not decipher
what it is that draws him near
but he begs to trace my body
under glorious starlight
he negotiates bare circumstances
and asks for an intervention
it is all beyond my reality
watching the heat intensify
and gravitate inward
he stops to show me
how he holds the key
to my salvation
where i am perpetually saved

We Know When To Just Love

2008-12-31T15:49:00.001-05:00

when that time of the night comes to me
and i sink deeply into my dreams
i await to hear your voice
telling me to come closer
it is then that i feel
you wrapping your warmth around me
exploring my every movement
and making our worlds collide
we turn into a silvery dust
sprinkled throughout the universe
floating between bright stars
and falling through the darkness that surrounds
but when dawn makes her appearance
we will prove we have not changed
as we carry our secrets to tomorrow
we will rely on the hope that comes from within
as the both of us have crossed this path before
we know when to just love

Entrusting Love

2008-12-02T15:47:00.002-05:00

i reach into mortality
and pull out the truth
it seems rather simple
how it justly manifests
it is a cloudy day
yet i see blue
carrying the wind
and calming the sea
i try to look beyond that
not really knowing why
but it is right there
in front of me
fragile-fine like crystal
as whispers break the glass
shattering my weary mind
but do not misunderstand
i like it in some way
when you hold me together
as we lie on a silver sky
finding immortality
fragrant and new

In Waves

2008-11-12T10:14:00.001-05:00

candy-striped tides
scream toward me
and i desperately try
but i cannot speak
or hear
and my breath is absent
i can only feel
and see the splashing
against my thighs
smacking
and
wailing
over my skin
it feels good, however
and i beg for it to happen
again and again
for it reminds me of you
taking my breath away
every time
you
touch
me

Sempiternal Love

2008-11-07T12:18:00.001-05:00

in and out of consciousness
in and out of a dream
i looked into your eyes
and saw hope
you told me you loved me forever
and my heart gave way
to your promise
to your kiss
and it was us together again
breaking the silence
that had been between us
for so long

Renunciation

2008-11-07T11:42:00.001-05:00

can you feel my warm breath
can you feel my insides burn
i do not think you see me
i am just floating around you
like a cloud trapped in
the sky’s cold wind
i am not home
home is where the heart is
and my heart is not here
i will not let you see me bleed
you would not understand
i gather shreds of me
placing them on an empty bed
ribbons of skin and bone
shivering in the cold
and all i can do is beg you
not to dismiss me
but i see it is too late
you already have

In Your Sweet Love

2008-11-06T11:28:00.002-05:00

my heart pounds
with good reason
like a windstorm
in the swollen desert
suffering through the battle
and rising above the wind
i am carried off
beyond the earth and sky
where i become calm and hopeful
you must be near
for i can feel you
desperately reaching inside
wanting something more
but no force, no weight burdens me
and time begins to stand still
it is my every thought that you sanctify
and my heart that you bless
i hold your hands
and move in closer
as you drown me
in your sweet love

Sacred Cult

2008-11-05T12:59:00.001-05:00

the intentional seizing
of my sweet surrender
lies in the taking and giving
and in the forfeiting and revealing
of this mutual exchange
with trusting hands
that tell me to lie still

as i watch you seek and covet
i start to believe in your faith
in my hope
and in our joy
the two of us belonging here
reaching for the same star

i do not fear the religion
i have found in you
and all i want to do
is worship and praise
now
and
forevermore